He was the kind of kid who’d never colour outside the lines. He was always afraid to, and he hasn‘t changed one bit. Now, when he drinks he becomes a different person. Isn’t that the whole point, to outrun yourself and lose all inhibitions. To become reckless and a little crazy. Impulsive. A flirt. Everything he can‘t be or won’t do sober. Here, let me untangle the knots in your stomach, let’s get you warm and relaxed. The rigid dancer‘s poise melts away, he‘s all arms and legs spread out in the armchair like an octopus. Giggling uncontrollably. Alcohol makes him trusting, hopeful. It makes him feel as if he’s never been afraid in his entire life. I’ll do anything, just watch. He looks at the others playing responsible adults. Shaking their heads at him, but smiling at the same time. They’re not about to stop him. It’s only a bit of fun. Tomorrow things will seem a little blurry, he’ll feel everything then, but it’s worth it, it’s all worth it.
4 comments:
I am so relieved to see you're back, Charlie.
Your writing is convoluted, and I like it.
As I read, I am torn between trying to envision you, and remembering myself as I was five years ago.
Has the winter lessened enough for you to shake the blahs?
Back on the web(log). Glad you are. And with a rather accurate description of what a lot of people can feel. But at some point nobody needs alcohol to outrun himself. It's called growing up. And gain self consciousness.
Welcome back, Charlie.
"Shaking their heads at him, but smiling at the same time." Bull's-eye.
So youare still writing...good to see...I hope you are doing well kiddo...GL
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