I wrote this poem in middle school. It's childish and I laugh at it now, but it's the only poem I've written on this topic. When did you know?
(Be)longing
When I was 8 years old
I wanted to be one of the guys
More than anything
I wanted to belong in their world
A foreign language unknown to me
The sound of boards hitting concrete
made my skin tingle like a sunburn
Light-headed from too much sun
Out of control and trying to impress
Their bodies a mystery to an 8 year-old
and something else
But I was too young to understand
what that feeling meant.
12 comments:
I didn't know until I was 16. The story is in my blogpost Self-Awareness from last November.
http://naturgesetz-takecourage.blogspot.com/2008/11/self-awareness.html
When did I know or when did I admit that I knew? Two different questions, heh.
I still don´t know at 19. Most probably I´m bi. Propz Pilgrim
Hey Charlie, facebook is a bit annoying at the moment, but fortunately you have a blog, have a good night, I hope you will share some great pictures from the starting autumn. And for the question: early (not me but my father), I was innocently drawing (naked) Greek gods and he has a broad grin.
Middle school it may be, but it captures the moment beautifully. Thank you for sharing it.
I desperately wanted to be accepted by the other boys, and at about 7 or 8 I tried by being the butt of their sexual games. From then on I knew I was different.
Please keep posting. You express yourself so evocatively. Write from the heart. Let out a little of the chaos, the emotions that are driving you. Take a risk and trust us.
Charlie
Hi how are doing, im follig you now and im going ot give you a little plug tonight in my blog
I hope to catch up soon and feel free to add me to MSN. Hope all is well. take care an be safe
bob
I kept largely un-admitted feelings to myself until 17 when I bedded a close (boy) friend at someone else's party.
We did it a few times together after that. But I still dated girls because it was what everyone else did and was 'normal' and I didn't know to even question it.
A year later I suddenly found out what being gay was and, without any girlfriends by then, started life properly as a gay boy when I left school at 18.
Poem's not that bad, is it?
Jag tycker inte alls att den är barnslig. Som liten är de äldres värld ett mysterium. Ett lockande mysterium man hemskt gärna vill dela - och förstå.
Din poesi är klart imponerande!
Love
D
Okay, I love this poem. Thanks for sharing it, Charlie. These nascent moments are HUGE and important and all too often not discussed.
And BTW, I don't know what's up with "Worth The Trip." It's a blog I miss as well.
Have a fantastic 2010!
Namaste,
Lee
I don't think this poem is childish at all. You have some very strong images, and while some of the feelings you describe are distinct to one segment of society, others are universal to young men throughout time and across cultures.
Not childish at all. I remember those feelings, which I'm pretty sure started when I was around five. Thanks for sharing.
Greg, thanks for the visit and comment.
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