I'm not sure where to begin, it's been so long since I've written anything. I have tried lots of times, but I feel stuck, total writer's block (not that I'm a very good writer to begin with). I've been following other blogs, lurking a little, but too nervous to leave a comment or reach out to anyone. I want to write about feeling angry, frustrated, sad and most of all lonely, but I keep deleting stuff, it all sounds so stupid and negative. I should list all the things I'm grateful for, keep it lighthearted, not rant and rave and act like the world owes me something. Should, must, have to. Grin and bear it. I tell them I'm fine when I'm really the opposite, and it'll be okay with this huge smile plastered on my face. But most of the time I say nothing at all. It's safer to say nothing, to wear a blank expression, to be neutral, to act normal. Almost invisible. The outside is perfectly still while the inside is chaos. I wish, I wish, I wish that someone would magically appear from nowhere and say I too feel that way.
6 comments:
I too feel that way.
Charlie, I've just discovered your blog from a comment you posted on mine. I have yet to catch up on older posts so apologies for not knowing much about you. Regarding this post, post whatever you like, and whatever makes you happier - sometimes blogland can be a good place to vent these negative feelings as it helps to write them somewhere and there's plenty of supportive guys out here to help.
Anyway, thankyou for following me :) I hope we can talk more soon. Perhaps you have MSN? Don't be afraid to email me if you want, it's on my profile. :)
Thanks for commenting, it means a lot! You're right, it helps to write stuff down and I hope I can get back into the habit of doing that and maybe get to know some guys here :) I don't have MSN but I have yahoo messenger. Thanks again.
Hey Charlie,
I just wanted to thank you for your comment, it made my evening.
Actually, it was not the comment itself. But your own blog.
I'm sort of pressured for time, so I couldn't immerse myself too deeply in what you wrote in your few posts until now. However I wanted to make sure that you don't leave blogland again ('cause it seems like you were not blogging for a long long time).
If there is any way, I'd really really want to talk to you on MSN or E-Mail (unfortunately, I didn't find one on your profile site). If you want to do so, please let me know.
Love,
Lunario
Charlie — Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog and for linking.
I've read through your posts, and you have a wonderfully evocative style of writing. I'm looking forward to more beautiful posts from you.
When you wrote that you miss your mum, of course I wonder what happened. Maybe sometime you'll feel like telling us some more. If you do, I'm sure you'll have a sympathetic audience. But only if you feel like it. Never think you're obligated to us.
On the matter of exterior calm masking inward chaos, I don't know if this is exactly the same as your situation, but what you wrote reminded me of how I felt at the period, beginning when I was 16, that I wrote about in this post:
http://naturgesetz-takecourage.blogspot.com/2008/11/self-awareness.html
Of course I'll link you and follow your blog.
Charlie, there isn't a day of my life that goes by that I don't feel that way. One thing I've learned, though...don't say nothing. Say something! To someone, to anyone. If we ever hope for change then it's necessary for us to reach out for help from others.
I've just found your blog and spent the last hour reading ... then I got to this post ... I sincerely hope you have become "unstuck" and your writing will resume - I love it
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